“A Meal to Die For”

by Nicki on March 8, 2011

For anyone sick of the words “antioxidant”, “superfood”, or other unpronounceable imposters such as quinoa, this is the place for you. Arizona’s Heart Attack Grill is a mecca for all those tired of our diet-obsessed culture who just want an honest-to-God binge, with no condescending health options on the menu to muddy their conscience. Needless to say, the restaurant’s motto is “A meal to die for.”

The Heart Attack Grill is a good ol’ slap in the face of the diet industry, and has pulled out all the stops by portraying itself as the world’s most satirical hospital,with ‘nurses’ for waitresses, ‘prescriptions’ for orders, and ‘patients’ for customers. Patients leaving the establishment are given the once-over by a ‘doctor’, who checks to make sure they are still ticking away, and they can even be delivered to their cars in a wheelchair. The minimum calorie intake at this delightfully shameless joint is somewhere between “This will set me up nicely for the week” and “Time to renew the life insurance,” and in yet another nod to our flabby friends, patients weighing in at 350 lbs or over eat for free.

You cannot deny the integrity of the Heart Attack Grill. The restaurant is 100% committed to maintaining its status as a haven of hedonism by opting for the most artery-clogging options possible. The only things served which haven’t been smeared in lard are the napkins, and even those quickly hydrogenate under a double, triple, or, yes, even a quadruple bypass burger, four half-pound beef patties clocking in a total of over 8,000 calories. In short, the Heart Attack Grill is a fortress, safe from plate invaders such as lettuce and coleslaw…it is an asylum for those who fear the surprise attack of the cilantro garnish or the haughty sprinkle of sage.

The owner and founder, Jon Basso, has pulled out all the stops in creating his edible Eden, and people are, well, eating it up. Yes, it is only a matter of time until some fuddy-duddy with a search warrant and no sense of humor comes to shut this place down, but until that day, customers will faithfully flock to this most endangered of habitats, the 100% guilt free fast-food joint, where no one will ask if you “want fries with that” because, well, who wouldn’t?

Watch here as Bill Geist personally tours and samples the delights of the Heart Attack Grill: “A Meal To Die For

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